Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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