you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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