I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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