dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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