She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
