No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
