i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I wear drunk well.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
