I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
