Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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