i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
