i jhust puked up my retainher.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
