the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
