A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
