she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
