seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
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