All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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