just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
