cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think my vagina is haunted
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
