fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
