Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
