Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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