I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
