The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
