i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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