Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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