You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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