I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
