i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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