Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
