I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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