I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
