Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
