Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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