walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
