There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
