How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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