I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize