I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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