ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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