is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
When did angry sex become our thing?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize