Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
