woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
