I just saw a hot homeless man
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
