there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
