Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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