I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
