we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
