Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just cropdusted the office
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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