i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
