I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
