Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
