oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
