OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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