he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
