dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
