She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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