I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize