Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
