Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
