I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
