1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
