the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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