Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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