also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
