Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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