I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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