I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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