I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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